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Shoujobyou – Fukakutei Shinkirou wa Haiiro no Machi no Katasumi de

October 11, 2018

Fukakutei Shinkirou wa Haiiro no Machi no Katasumi de – 不確定蜃気楼は灰色の街の片隅で – The Uncertain Mirage Is in a Corner of a Grey Town

果ての見えない広さだけが取り柄の貧困の街
この場所に生まれ落ちてしまったが最後
蟻地獄のように 抜け出すことは困難で
この街で生まれ育った 天涯孤独の青年【セリル】は
生きていくために 餓死しないために “殺し屋”となった――――

hate no mienai hirosa dake ga torie no hinkon no machi
kono basho ni umareochite shimatta ga saigo
arijigoku no you ni nukedasu koto wa konnan de
kono machi de umaresodatta tengaikodoku no seinen [Seriru] wa
ikite iku tame ni gashi shinai tame ni “koroshiya” to natta–

A poor town whose only virtue is being so big you can’t see the edges of it
If you’re born in that place, that’s it for you
Slipping out of it is as difficult as escaping an antlion pit
The orphan boy Seril, who was born and raised in this town,
So he could go on living, so he wouldn’t starve to death, became an assassin–

けれど殺し屋というのは自称だけのこと
優しすぎるセリルは 仕事の悉くを失敗する
不出来な人間に何度もチャンスは与えられない
ただのなんでも屋として扱われるまでに 時間はいらなかった

keredo koroshiya to iu no wa jishou dake no koto
yasashisugiru Seriru wa shigoto no kotogotoku o shippai suru
fudeki na ningen ni nandomo CHANSU wa ataerarenai
tada no nandemoya to shite atsukawareru made ni jikan wa iranakatta

But he was an assassin in name only
Seril was too nice, and entirely failed at his job
Someone with poor results doesn’t get many chances
It wasn’t long before everyone was treating him like just an odd-jobs man

この街では そんな誰にでもできるような仕事は多くはない
報酬もスズメの涙ほど
このままでは 死ぬまでこの街から抜け出せない 先がない
悩むセリルに斡旋屋の老婆から 新しい仕事の話が舞い込んだ――――

kono machi de wa sonna dare ni demo dekiru you na shigoto wa ooku wa nai
houshuu mo SUZUME no namida hodo
kono mama de wa shinu made kono machi kara nukedasenai saki ga nai
nayamu Seriru ni assenya no rouba kara atarashii shigoto no hanashi ga maikonda–

In this town, there wasn’t much of that kind of work that anyone could do
And the pay was peanuts[1]
“At this rate I’ll be stuck in this town until I die! I have no future!”
As Seril worried about this, the old lady who found jobs for him told him of a new job–

『今日こそは実入りのいい仕事の話かと勢い込むも、
老婆はただニヤリと笑うだけ。
街のはずれに住むひとつの家族。
そこで父親役を演じて欲しい、というよくわからない内容の仕事だった。
年若い母親に、その娘と息子。
彼らの本当の父親は亡くなっていて、再婚相手である詩人は、
子供達が幼い頃に遠い国へ歌いに行ったきり、
もう何年も帰らないという』

“Kyou koso wa miiri no ii shigoto no hanashi ga to ikioikomu mo,
rouba wa tada NIYARI to warau dake.
Machi no hazure ni sumu hitotsu no kazoku.
Soko de chichioya-yaku o enjite hoshii, to iu yoku wakaranai naiyou no shigoto datta.
Toshiwakai hahaoya ni, sono musume to musuko.
Karera no hontou no chichioya wa nakunatte ite, saikon aite de aru shijin wa,
kodomo-tachi ga osanai koro ni tooi kuni e utai ni itta kiri,
mou nannen mo kaeranai to iu”

“Today he expected to hear of a well-paid job,
But the old lady just smiled meaningfully at him.
At the edge of town, a single family lived.
The job, the details of which were unclear, was to pretend to be the father of that family.
For a young mother and her daughter and son.
The children’s real father had died, and the mother remarried to a minstrel,
Who had gone to sing in a foreign land when the children were young,
And had not returned in many years.”

「――――きっともう死んでいるんです」
彼女【レイラ】は小さく囁いて
まだ幼い子供達は父親の顔さえ覚えていないのだと
「ただ、声と雰囲気はとてもよく似ています」そう笑った

“– kitto mou shinde iru n’desu”
kanojo [Reira] wa chiisaku sasayaite
mada osanai kodomo-tachi wa chichioya no kao sae oboete inai no da to
“tada, koe to fun’iki wa totemo yoku niete imasu” sou waratta

“– I’m sure he’s already dead,”
The woman, Leila, said in a small whisper
The children, who were still young, didn’t even remember their father’s face, she said
“But your voice and manner are much like his,” she added, smiling

父親役を頼んだのは彼女ではなくて
誰からの依頼なのか首を傾げるけれど
歓迎し受け入れてくれるレイラの前では 断りきれず流されるままに
その役を引き受けていた――――

chichioya-yaku o tanonda no wa kanojo de wa nakute
dareka no irai na no ka kubi o kashigeru keredo
kangeishi ukeirete kureru Reira no mae de wa kotowarikirezu nagasareru mama ni
sono yaku o hikiukete ita–

She wasn’t the one who had put in the request for someone to play the father
He puzzled over whose request it had been
But in the face of Leila’s warm welcome, he couldn’t refuse and just went along,
Taking on that role–

日が落ちて帰宅する二人の子供達
「お父さんが帰ってきたよ。
ずっと会いたがってたよね?」
お父さん、という響きがくすぐったくて
けれど少し高揚もしていて
はじめこそ不審そうにされたけど

hi ga ochite kitaku suru futari no kodomo-tachi
“Otousan ga kaette kita yo.
Zutto aitagatte’ta yo ne?”
Otousan, to iu hibiki ga kusuguttakute
keredo sukoshi kouyou mo shite ite
hajime koso fushinsou ni sareta kedo

The sun set, and the two children returned to the house
“Your father has returned.
You’ve always wanted to see him, haven’t you?”
The sound of the word “father” was a little embarrassing
But at the same time it also made him a little proud
At first, he’d been suspicious about this, but…

屈託のない子供達 一度打ち解けてしまえばすぐに仲良くなって
優しい母親と娘と息子 4人の家族として
決して広くはないひとつ屋根の下 新しい生活がはじまった

kuttaku no nai kodomo-tachi ichido uchitokete shimaeba sugu ni nakayoku natte
yasashii hahaoya to musume to musuko yonnin no kazoku to shite
keshite hiroku wa nai hitotsu yane no shita atarashii seikatsu ga hajimatta

Once the carefree children had warmed up to him, he quickly became friends with them
He, the kind mother, the daughter, and the son lived as a family of four
Beneath this one small roof, a new way of life had begun

家に帰れば暖かな 明かりが灯り誰かが待っている
ただそれだけの出来事にも 小さな幸せ感じて

uchi ni kaereba atataka na akari ga tomoshi dareka ga matte iru
tada sore dake no dekigoto ni mo chiisa na shiawase o kanjite

When he returned home, a warm light was lit and someone was waiting
Even that simple fact made him a little happy

『これまで家族というものを知らなかった彼にとって、
それはたまらなく魅力的な空間で。
それがまるで、本当の家族であるかのように錯覚さえして。
子供達を養うために夜の仕事をしていたというレイラ。
それを半ば強引に辞めさせ、自分が稼ぐからと、
低賃金ながらも真面目な仕事に就く。
この仕事は、自分一人が生きていくためだけのモノではない。
そう思うだけで、
いくらでも力が沸いてくる気がするのが不思議だった』

“Kore made kazoku to iu mono o shiranakatta kare ni totte,
sore wa tamaranaku miryokuteki na kuukan de.
Sore ga marude, hontou no kazoku de aru ka no you ni sakkaku sae shite.
Kodomo-tachi o yashinau tame ni yoru no shigoto o shite ita to iu Reira.
Sore o nakaba gouin ni yamesase, jibun ga kasegu kara to,
teichingin nagara mo majime na shigoto ni tsuku.
Kono shigoto wa, jibun hitori ga ikite iku tame dake no MONO de wa nai.
Sou omou dake de,
ikura demo chikara ga waite kuru ki ga suru no ga fushigi datta”

“To him, never having had a family before,
That house held an irresistible charm.
He began to delude himself that they were a real family.
Leila said that she worked at night for money to support the children.
He pushed her to quit, telling her that he would earn the money himself,
And got a real job, even though the wages were low.
This job wasn’t just to earn money for him to live on by himself.
When he thought about this,
He felt a burst of energy every time, which was strange to him.”

「音楽を奏でて歌うのが お父さんの仕事なんでしょう?」
「聞いてみたい!」
困り果てるセリルにせがむ 愛らしい二人の子供
彼女に教わってたどたどしい弾き語りを覚えて

“Ongaku o kanadete utau no ga otousan no shigoto na n’deshou?”
“Kiite mitai!”
komarihateru Seriru ni segamu airashii futari no kodomo
Reira ni osowatte tadotadoshii hikigatari o oboete

“Your job is to play music and sing, right, Dad?”
“I want to hear it!”
The two adorable children pestered Seril, who was at a loss
Then he remembered the song Leila had taught him, with difficulty, to sing and play

決して上手いとは言えない歌でも 子供達は喜んでくれて
中でも繰り返し歌ったのは “家族の幸せな情景を表現した詩”

keshite umai to wa ienai uta demo kodomo-tachi wa yorokonde kurete
naka demo kurikaeshi utatta no wa “kazoku no shiwawase na joukei o hyougen shita uta”

It couldn’t be said that he was good at singing, but it made the children happy
Above all, the song he sang over and over was “a song expressing the scene of the family’s happiness”

レイラが隠れて涙を拭っていたのは 帰らない彼を想ってのことか
やりきれない感情に苦しみながら それでもただ――――ただ歌い続けた

Reira ga kakurete namida o nugutte ita no wa kaeranai kare o omotte no koto ka
yarikirenai kanjou ni kurushiminagara soredemo tada–tada utaitsudzukete

The tears that Leila furtively wiped away were probably for the man who hadn’t returned
Though suffering from unbearable emotions, he simply– simply went on singing

家族として暮らし続けて どれだけの時間が経っただろう
依頼されての仕事であることなど すっかり意識から消えて
まるでずっとそうであったかのように
家族の一員として馴染んでいた

kazoku to shite kurashitsudzukete dore dake no jikan ga tatta darou
irai sarete no shigoto de aru koto nado sukkari ishiki kara kiete
marude zutto sou de atta ka no you ni
kazoku no ichiin to shite najinde ita

How long had it been since he had started living with them as a family?
The fact that this was a job someone had requested he do had totally vanished from his consciousness
It was just as if it had always been this way
He’d truly become a member of the family

ある日 彼にとって都合の悪い嫌な噂を耳にしてしまう

aru hi kare ni totte tsugou no warui iya na uwasa o mimi ni shite shimau

One day, a rumor came to his ears that was very bad for his situation

「――――詩人が長い旅を終えてこの街に帰ってくるらしい」

“–shijin ga nagai tabi o oete kono machi ni kaette kuru rashii”

“–I hear the minstrel is ending his long journey and coming back to this town”

思いもよらないことにセリルは苦悩した
「ヤツが帰ってきたら、俺の居場所はどこにもなくなってしまう」

omoi mo yoranai koto ni Seriru wa kunou shita
“YATSU ga kaette kitara, ore no ibasho wa doko ni mo naku natte shimau”

This completely unexpected turn of events caused Seril anguish
“If he comes back, I’ll lose my home!”

失ってしまうんだ 手に入れた家族も 幸せも全て――――全てを

ushinatte shimau n’da te ni ireta kazoku mo shiawase mo subete–subete o

He’d lose the family he’d found, his happiness, everything– everything!

視界が闇に閉ざされて 一人の夜を思い出してしまう
絶望に満ちた孤独な部屋 生きがいのないあの日々

shikai ga yami ni tozasarete hitori no yoru o omoidashite shimau
zetsubou ni michita kodoku na heya ikigai no nai ano hibi

The nights he’d spent alone, darkness all around him, came unbidden to his mind
That despair-filled, lonely room; those days when he had nothing to live for

『呆然としながら帰宅すると、
可愛い子供達とレイラが笑顔で出迎えてくれる。
そして今夜もあの詩をと、せがまれて……』

“Bouzen to shinagara kitaku suru to,
kawaii kodomo-tachi to Reira ga egao de demukaete kureru.
Soshite kon’ya mo ano uta o to, segamarete…”

“When he came home, in a daze,
the adorable children and Leila met him with a smile.
And they begged him to play that song again…”

「だめだ、この場所を失ったら、俺は――――」

“Dame da, kono basho o ushinattara, ore wa–“

“I can’t bear it, if I lose this place, I’ll–”

『家族が寝静まった頃、隠し持っていた刃物を持ち出し、
静かに家を出る。
荒廃した街の入り口で息を殺すように、
存在を殺すようにして張り続ける時間は、
実際にはほんの数日ではあったけれど、
途方もなく長いものに感じられて……。
街に帰ってきた詩人を無言で刺し殺し、
その死体を老婆のところへと運んでゆく。
はじめて人が殺せたんだね?と嬉しそうに笑う老婆。
後の処理を頼み、言葉もなくその場を後にして帰宅の途についた』

“Kazoku ga neshizumatta koro, kakushi motte ita hamono o mochidashi,
shizuka ni ie o deru.
Kouhai shita machi no iriguchi de iki o korosu you ni,
sonzai o korosu you ni shite haritsudzukeru jikan wa,
jissai ni wa honno suujitsu de wa atta keredo,
tohou mo naku nagai mono ni kanjirarete….
Machi ni kaette kita shijin wa mugon ni sashikoroshi,
sono shitai o rouba no tokoro e to hakonde yuku.
Hajimete hito ga koroseta n’da ne? to ureshisou ni warau rouba.
Ato no shori o tanomi, kotoba mo naku sono ba o ato ni shite kitaku no to ni tsuita”

“When his family had sunk into sleep, he took out the knife he had hidden,
And silently left the house.
The time he spent waiting at the town’s ruined gate,
Holding his breath, straining to hide his very existence,
Was in reality only a few days,
But without a known end, it felt so long…
When the minstrel returned to town, Seril silently stabbed him,
And brought his corpse to the old lady.
‘So you’ve killed your first person?’ the old lady laughed, seeming happy about it.
He left the rest to her, and without a word put that place behind him and set out on the way home.”

「なんで帰ってこなかったの?」
「心配したんだよ、
また旅に出てもう戻ってこないのかなって!」

“Nande kaette konakatta no?”
“Shinpai shita n’da yo,
mata tabi ni dete mou modotte konai no ka natte!”

“Why didn’t you come home?”
“We were worried,
that maybe you’d left on a journey again and you wouldn’t come back this time!”

数日家を空けただけで こんなにも心配してくれる
泣きじゃくる二人と
目を赤く腫らしたレイラを強く抱き締める

suujitsu ie o utsuketa dake de konna ni mo shinpai shite kureru
nakijakuru futari to
me o akaku harashita Reira o tsuyoku dakishimeru

They’d been so worried about him, when he’d only been away a few days
He tightly embraced the sobbing children
And the red-eyed Leila

「大丈夫、どこにも行きはしないよ。
だって僕らは家族なんだから」
その夜は幸せな部屋の中で 家族の詩が
その合唱がいつまでも響いて――――

“Daijoubu, doko ni mo iki wa shinai yo.
Datte bokura wa kazoku na n’dakara”
sono yoru wa shiawase na heya no naka de kazoku no uta ga
sono gasshou ga itsumademo hibiite–

“It’s all right, I’m not going anywhere.
Because we’re a family”
That night, the song the family sang in that happy room
Was a chorus that echoed forever–

これが愛という欲望か それは瞬間にして永遠だった
根源的な価値観さえ 全てを書き換えて
何を犠牲にしても 手を穢しても 守りたい業深き感情
いとも容易く人を壊し 思考回路を狂わせる

kore ga ai to iu yokubou ka, sore wa shunkan ni shite eien datta
kongenteki na kachikan sae subete o kakikaete
nani o gisei ni shite mo te o kegashite mo mamoritai goufukaki kanjou
itomo tayasuku hito o kowashi shikoukairo o kuruwaseru

Was this the selfishness known as love? It was eternity in a single moment
Rewriting everything, even his most basic principles
He wanted to protect this sinful feeling, no matter what he had to sacrifice or how much he had to dirty his hands
Having destroyed a person so easily warped his way of thinking

「長かったけど、ようやくこれが始まりだ。
一人殺せば、次はもっと容易くその手を血に染めるだろうよ。
大切な家族のためならなおさらにね」

“Nagakatta kedo, youyaku kore ga hajimari da.
Hitori koroseba, tsugi wa motto tayasuku sono te o chi ni someru darou yo.
Taisetsu na kazoku no tame nara naosara ni ne”

“It took you a long time, but at last you’re getting started.
Once you’ve killed one person, you can stain your hands with the blood of the next much more easily.
All the more so if it’s for your precious family, right?”

「家族――――?
ねぇ、義父さんより、
アレの方がたくさん稼げるっていうのは嘘じゃないよね?」

“Kazoku–?
Nee, otousan yori,
ARE no hou ga takusan kasegeru tte iu no wa uso ja nai yo ne?”

“Family–?
Hey, it’s true that he can earn more money than our (step-)dad did,
Isn’t it?” [2]

「早くたくさん殺してお金を稼いでくれないかなぁ。
そしたら、お母さんを連れてこんな薄汚い街から出て行くんだ」

“Hayaku takusan koroshite okane o kaseide kurenai ka naa.
Soshitara, okaasan o tsurete konna usugitanai machi kara dete iku n’da”

“Kill a lot of people quickly and earn a lot of money, won’t you?
Then you can take Mom and leave this filthy town.”

「ああ、今回の依頼料はあいつの次の仕事の分から
引かせてもらうよ。
悪い子たちだね、怖い怖い」

“Aa, konkai no irairyou wa aitsu no tsugi no shigoto no bun kara
hikasete morau yo.
Warui ko-tachi da ne, kowai kowai”

“I’ll take the fee for last time
Out of the payment for his next job.
You’re bad children, aren’t you? Scary, scary.”

「やだなあ、家族の幸せのためだよ。本当の家族の、ね」

“Ya da naa, kazoku no shiawase no tame da yo. Hontou no kazoku no, ne”

“No, no, this is all for the sake of our family’s happiness! Our true family’s, that is.”

Notes:

[1] Lit. “sparrow’s tears.”

[2] The kanji read “foster father” or “stepfather” but what’s spoken is just plain “father”/”dad”.

(Original lyrics by Shoujobyou.)

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